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Your
Luck in the Stars
Brought to you by the Australian Skeptics Association
AQUARIUS
(21 January - 19 February)
You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie
a great deal; on the other hand, you are inclined to be careless and
impractical, and make the same mistakes repeatedly. Everyone thinks
you are a jerk.
PISCES
(20 February - 20 March)
You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed
by the C.I.A. You have minor influence over your friends and people
resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are generally
a coward. Pisces people pick their noses and abuse small animals.
ARIES
(21 March - 20 April)
You are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt. You are quick-tempered
and scornful of advice. People call you the "angry young man" behind
your back. You are also a nerd.
TAURUS
(21 April - 21 May)
You are practical and persistent. You have dogged determination and
work very hard. Most people think you are stubborn and bull-headed.
You are nothing but an agitator.
GEMINI
(22 May - 21 June)
You are quick, intelligent and a thinker. People like you because you
are bisexual. However, you are inclined to expect too much for too little.
This means that you are cheap.
CANCER
(22 June - 23 July)
You are sympathetic and understanding of other people's problems. They
think you are a sucker. You are always putting things off, which is
why you will always be on welfare and never be worth a damn.
LEO
(24 July - 23 August)
You consider yourself a born leader; others think you are pushy. Most
Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate honest criticism.
Your arrogance is appalling. Leo people are thieving bastards and kiss
mirrors a lot.
VIRGO
(24 August - 23 September)
You are the logical type and hate disorder. Your nit-picking style is
sickening to your friends. You are cold and unemotional, and often fall
asleep during sex. Virgos make good taxation workers.
LIBRA
(24 September - 23 October)
You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If
you are male you are probably effeminate. Your chances for employment
and monetary gain are excellent. All Librans die of venereal disease.
SCORPIO
(24 October - 22 November)
You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You will achieve the
pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. Most Scorpios
are murdered.
SAGITTARIUS
(23 November - 22 December)
You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to
rely on luck since you have no talent. The majority of Sagittarians
are drunks and dope-heads. People laugh at you a lot because you are
always getting swindled.
CAPRICORN
(23 December - 20 January)
You are conservative and are afraid of taking risks. You are basically
chicken-hearted. There has never been a Capricorn of importance. You
should: jump under a bus.
Of
course, not everyone needs to consider the heavenly bodies responsible
for their own actions. Australian Skeptics offer you your own very special
and wonderfully accurate horoscope:
(Your
Date of Birth Here)
You are a very special person, unlike anyone else. In particular, there
is no aspect in which you resemble 1/12 of the world's population. You
pride yourself on your ability to think critically. You are so special
and have such high self-esteem, that you do not need astrologers to
tell you what sort of person you are.
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